Awesome in a bucket

First, I must point out that Kaes and Duncan have an insatiable need to correct/contradict each other. That being said, here is the conversation overheard from the backseat Saturday night.

Duncan (having asked something and getting the answer he wanted): Awesome in a bucket!

Kaes: You can't put awesome in a bucket.

Duncan: *mumble mumble* awesome in a bucket *mumble mumble* You can put me in a bucket, Kaes.

Star Students

At Duncan's school they give out Noble Knights to kids (ahem, scholars) who are being particularly good. Earlier this week Duncan almost got one. One of his teachers noticed that he was trying very hard not to laugh (apparently something very funny-but-inappropriate had just happened). Just as she was complimenting him on his self control, he let it all out in a huge guffaw. To which his teacher said, "Well, I guess you're not going to get one after all."

On the exact same day, Kaes came home with a note for me, that she had written herself. Unfortunately, I had to sign it and return it to her teacher, so I can't give you an exact transcription, but here's the gist of it (inventive spelling not included):

Dear Mom

I missed rotations today because I came in from recess fifteen minutes late. I was very sad. I am still very sad. I promise I will never do it again.

Love
Your dotr (Okay, I remember that particular spelling very well and I just love it)

I asked her why she was so late coming in and didn't she notice that everyone else had gone inside. Well, the kindergartners were outside playing, so it wasn't like she was all alone. Didn't she notice that nobody from her class was still outside? Yes, she did. That's when she went inside (FIFTEEN minutes late). Then she told me about four boys in her class who were going to have to write notes to the other teachers because they were being obnoxious. I asked her if she was being obnoxious too (I recognized some of these boys as kids she plays with and it made me a bit nervous). No, she hadn't been obnoxious. Was she sure about that? Yes. "I wasn't in rotations today, was I?"

I believe that's what they call an alibi. She was innocent of being obnoxious. Thank heaven.

I know how I rank...

Me: Duncan, get ready for school.

Duncan: Why?

Me: Because I am your mother and it is the joy of your life to do what I say.

Duncan: No, the joy of my life is marshmallows covered with melted chocolate.


Who knew?

She has a future in the U.N.

Kaes: (Wishing it was recess so she could chase people.) He used to hate me, but now he's afraid of me.

curses

I've heard there is a Chinese curse that goes "May you live in interesting times." Well, here's one for you: May you have intelligent children.

Duncan: I got my math homework done at school today.
Me: Really? That's awesome. Did you remember to bring home your lunchbox?
Duncan: . . .
Me: Duncan!
Duncan: Mom, remember to focus on the positive.
(Duncan can sometimes have a negative outlook on things, so we are constantly telling him to focus on the positive. I believe I called him a turd after that little exchange.)


Jonathon (running out to the car as I'm leaving to pick up his brother from school): Mom, I have to tell you something. You starting the car reminded me.
Me (sitting in the middle of the road): What do you have to tell me?
Jonathon: This time next year I'll have my learner's permit.
(I believe I also called him a turd at this point.)

Somebody missed the point...

Kaes: Why did the chicken cross the road really fast?

Me: I don't know. Why did the chicken cross the road really fast?

Kaes: Mom! I've told you this a million times!

battle of the sexes

A few days ago I was babysitting for a friend whose youngest happens to be exactly four months younger than my youngest. Needless to say, they've grown up together and fluctuate between a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and a brother/sister relationship. I'm not certain which is more volatile.

We went to the park, but it was too crazy hot to stay for long, so we came home after only a short time. On the way back, they found a a dead worm on the sidewalk. The two of them, not realizing the worm was already dead, discussed its fate until I told them to hurry up and keep walking.

Kaes (to Ben): You killed the worm?! Don't you care about the entire planet?

Ben mutters incoherently until Kaes catches up to me: Mom, are worms helpful?

Me: Yes, they are.

Kaes: Told you, Ben.

A few moments of complete silence while Ben looks like he wants to stick his tongue out at Kaes, but I'm watching, then:

Ben: When I grow up I'm going to be able to baptize, but you won't.

I think Ben may have won that round.

Future boyfriends beware

Kaes (very cheerful): Duncan, did you just tell me to shut-up? Oh no you don't!

Kaes (now singing) Old Macdonald had a farm...

A good lesson to learn young

My niece and nephew have been hanging out with us this week (well, Sam left us for greener pastures--her friend's house--but she was with us for a few days).

Tuesday night Jonathon, Sam and Jake (Duncan was gone with Anne to get his late-but-much-loved birthday present) played the Lego board game. There was much swiping of blocks, and laughing, and "Hey, what'd you do that for!" coming from the living room. When the game was over Jonathon came into the kitchen and said to me, in a very quiet voice, "I have learned something while Sam has been here. It is very easy to offend teenage girls. Even when you don't mean to."

There is so much truth revealed in that one statement. For one, not only is my son right, but he is not stupid, and he can learn very obvious things. This is good. It's great to be able to learn the less-obvious things, but not being able to learn the really obvious things can be detrimental to your health. I'm glad he picked up on this one.

Second, it implies that there were times when he didn't actually intend to offend his cousin. This gives me hope, and faith that I am in fact raising a gentleman. I am so proud.

The third thing didn't really become clear until I was talking to Matthew about it later, but having Sam with us for those few days was a very valuable experience for Jonathon, one that he probably doesn't even realize he should be grateful for. Although Kaes has done a great job of training her brothers in the proper way to compliment a girl and notice her new clothes and things like that, she will not be a teenager until after Jonathon has gone on his mission and off to college (assuming he follows the life plan we have laid out for him--which he had better). It is extremely important to understand that there is a huge difference between little girls (even when they are going on thirty) and girls with actual hormones running amock. Even if Jonathon forgets this most valuable lesson, he will recall it with increasing clarity as he goes through the next several years of school, especially as the girls get more settled into being teenagers. Though he did learn a truth, he still does not appreciate how big a truth it really is.

Lynne's blog

This week I have been attending the writer's conference at BYU. Lynne Snyder has been our wonderful, lovely assistant each morning while we workshop. Not only is she a great writer, but she also is very nice and she feeds us. I am like a lost puppy (or my daughter): if you feed me, I will love you for life. So I told Lynne today I would accost her until she gave me the recipe for her breakfast bars (I'm not completely certain what that means, but it sounded menacing). She referred me to her blog. Here it is, for any of those pitiful few who read my blog, and for me, so I won't lose it.

http://snyderfamilycookbook.blogspot.com

Yes, I know there's a way to make the link right here, and I even know I've done it before. What I don't know is how to do it again, and I am amazingly too tired to try to figure it out now. I just don't want to lose the recipe for the breakfast bars (that not-yet-link only takes you to her cooking blog, you still have to do a search for breakfast bars).